One thing that worries me about the next several years is that I will no longer be studying writing, and it will be a lot more awkward sending my work to my old teachers from college. Most of those teachers probably have me pegged as the “sentimental Asian-American fic” girl. And in some of my classes, the professors actually discouraged us from writing fantasy. The whole “write what you know” thing was something I heard often, and if you want your humanities classmates to snort at you from behind their moleskin notebooks and organic soy lattes (ok this is a mean stereotype but this was actually a majority at my school), there is no better way than to submit a fantasy for workshop.

Magical realism? That’s cool. Dystopian science fiction. You’re cutting it close. But fantasy? Go back to playing with Lord of the Rings action figures in your parents’ basement, you comic-con reject, and never come back. We are serious writers, here.

I wish I had a sort of writing-Obi-Wan-Kenobi, a guide and teacher to encourage me and to give me helpful feedback…Oh man if only he was Tolkien or McCarthy…

But with all that being said, I will continue to write Vietnamese-American fiction…

Aaaaand this is marginally related, but just before graduation someone told me that after 4 years of knowing me, she still thought of me as a writing major or at least some other humanities major, and definitely not a bio major pre-med. Is it weird that I’m actually very proud of that?

GRADUATING IN LESS THAN 9 HOURS

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I am really happy and thankful graduation is here but I’m also nervous about the actual ceremony:

• What my relatives get lost on my campus, and my parents have to find them in the middle of the ceremony?
• What if the long, boring ceremony tires my younger cousins out and makes them whiny/snappy, triggering a chain of frustration among the rest of the family?
• What if I trip in my heels on the stage and fall flat on my face?
• What if they can’t pronounce my name and they make an awkward embarassing pause in the middle?
• What if it doesn’t rain, so the ceremony is outside, but then it starts violently raining everyone is grumpy and wet? Or what if it’s just hot and cloudy and dank the whole time?
• What if I cry or babble unintelligibly during my post-ceremony interview??
• What if I don’t get to see everyone or take pictures with them before I leave campus to go to my sister’s ceremony?
• What if I act like an idiot around Sanjay Gupta at my sister’s ceremony?
• What if the food at the restaurant we’re going to afterwards is bad?
• What if someone asks me, “AREN’T YOU GLAD YOU FOLLOWED YOUR SISTER’S FOOTSTEPS” AND I PUNCH THEM IN THE GUT

Took my last undergraduate final today

(Can you tell I am still thinking about The Avengers?)

I just learned by email a few minutes ago that someone I know has passed away—she had been diagnosed with lymphoma only last week. I cannot describe the shock and sadness I feel right now. I admit that I did not know her very well, but she was really nice to me in the few classes we had together—we’re both big nerds, we both like Neil Gaiman. We had quite a few fun conversations, and we even made plans to go to dinner but they fell through.

I had been feeling really down since yesterday but opening this email really shocked me to the core—this girl was supposed to graduate with me, and within a few days all this happens? I feel so terrible for her family, I feel terrible for her—so close to the peak of four years of hard work, four years of growing up and making lifelong friendshps and then to have it taken away…Her family should be celebrating but they are going to be grieving when so many other families are hugging daughters, sisters, granddaughters…

I am so grateful for what I have, and although this sounds sellfish of me, this was like a wakeup call. I’ve been feeling down in the dumps for stupid reasons, but I just need to shut up and look at the good things I have in life and enjoy it, take advantage of it, earn it. I need to spend time with friends while I can, and not let those plans fall through. I need to show the people I love that I love them.

And on another note, yet another person in my life has been taken away by cancer. Cancer was the one disease that got me pursuing medicine, and I will never forget it.

RIP, my friend. I’ll think of you during Commencement.

In the past two nights I’ve gotten like 5 hours of sleep total—the night before last night I drove home at 4AM and last night I went to bed at 5AM. BUT THE PAPER IS COMPLETE AND IN MY TA’S HANDS.

Oh wait I have a presentation in like 30 mins and I haven’t practiced. What am I doing here on Tumblr?

Anyways, after this I just have to go to photo lab to print a couple more photos, and then I’m going home, taking a shower, watching a movie or some tv and going to bed like a normal, healthy human being.

Got back from The North (lol) yesterday. I’m just going to say that I am extremely excited for med school.

BUT I am also excited for the weeks of vacation right before the new school year. I begin my final week of college classes today, and although I know it’s only 5 days, I feel like it’s 5 years. I have a paper due, I have to finalize my housing, I have to finish a photography portfolio, and I have a presentation for an irritating group project. Two out of those four are due Thursday, so basically, I am counting down the minutes to 4:30 on Thursday.

Then relative freedom! (Finals don’t start for me until next Friday so I can take it easy)

But in the meantime TRYING TO WORK ON THIS PAPER IS PHYSICALLY PAINFUL ASJGDFF

Edit:

MUST WRITE PAPER